What’s the next Olympic sport?
Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?
What are my parents hiding from me?
What melts in your mouth, not in your hand?
What is Batman’s guilty pleasure?
It’s a trap!
What’s the crustiest?
What do old people smell like?
What do I fear my parents will find in my sock drawer?
War! What is it good for?
What’s my secret power?
What’s the next 3D Pixar® adventure?
Why do the terrorists hate us?
What’s still a work in progress?
How am I maintaining my relationship status?
What is Santa keeping for himself?
What helps Obama unwind?
Sorry, I just...?
What’s that sound?
What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?
What’s an option on GM®’s new car?
What would blind you if seen without goggles?
What’s good to the last drop?
What’s there a ton of in heaven?
What did I bring back from Mexico?
What will you have smuggled into prison?
What should you just say no to?
What’s the elephant in the room?
What will always get you laid?
What will be the main issue of the next election?
What’s the most hardcore?
What arouses me?
What gets better with age?
Why am I sticky?
What’s that smell?
What needs an instruction manual?
Too soon...?
What calls for a moment of sober contemplation?
What don’t you want to find in your Chinese food?
What is high-five worthy?
Why can’t I sleep at night?
What will be put in a time capsule to preserve humanity’s memory?
What was uncalled for?
What’s the next Happy Meal toy?
Betcha can’t have just one...?
What does Dick Cheney prefer?
White people like...?
What do you yell when you stub your toe?
What’s the best part of waking up?
What’s the most emo?
BILLY MAYS HERE FOR...
What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner?
Sarah Palin’s retarded son.
Doin’ it in the butt.
Existentialists.
Old-people smell.
A filet-o-fish.
Exorcism.
Pterodactyl eggs.
Dead parents.
Mouth herpes.
Abortion.
Bestiality.
Centaurs.
Too much hair gel.
Getting so angry that you pop a boner.
My soul.
Two midgets shitting into a bucket.
William Shatner.
Banana hammocks.
Bitches.
Drum circles.
Osama Bin Laden’s dialysis machine.
Kibbles ‘n Bits.
Guys who don’t call.
Feeding Rosie O’Donnell.
Nipple Blades.
Half-assed foreplay.
BATMAN!!!
The drama club.
Spontaneous human combustion.
Mathletes.
Wearing underwear inside out to avoid doing laundry.
The Trail of Tears.
Flightless birds.
Children on leashes.
A grande sugar-free iced soy caramel macchiato.
Poor people.
An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.
Dentures.
Repression.
A falcon with a cap on its head.
SPARTA!!!
Keg stands.
Lumberjacks.
Road head.
Fear itself.
That one gay Teletubby.
Chastity belts.
Farting and walking away.
White people.
Concealing a boner.
Mr. Clean, right behind you.
The Jonas Brothers.
Al Gore.
The Pope.
A middle-aged man on roller skates.
Nip slips.
Serfdom.
Laughing so hard that you fart.
Teaching a robot to love.
Axe body spray.
X-treme power lifting.
An angry emu.
A wheelchair death race.
People who smell their own socks.
Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Cuddling.
Drooling during sex.
World peace.
Same-sex ice dancing.
Tasteful sideboob.
Will Smith.
Masturbation.
Bond, James Bond.
Steve Irwin.
Taco Bell value meals.
Friendly fire.
Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies.
Geese.
Indiana Jones in the refrigerator.
Saxophone solos.
Taking off your shirt.
The Whopper Jr.™ with bacon.
Gandhi.
Catapults.
Pulling out.
A sea of troubles.
New Age music.
Sunshine and rainbows.
Oversized lollipops.
Flavored condoms.
Seduction.
Seppuku.
Pooping back and forth... forever.
Figgy pudding.
Rip Torn drop-kicking antisemetic lesbians.
Historically black colleges.
Re-gifting.
Goths.
A sassy black woman.
Cheating on the SAT.
Adderal™.
Gloryholes.
Flash flooding.
Nazis.
A good sniff.
A wandering uterus.
Lactation.
Good ‘n Plenty.
Alcohol poisoning.
Shaquille O’Neal’s acting career.
2 Girls 1 Cup.
Yellow fever.
Grave robbing.
A big hoopla about nothing.
Anal beads.
The Superdome.
Passing a kidney stone.
John McCain’s campaign strategy.
I’m friends with your dad on Facebook™.
Foreskin.
Pedophiles.
Not reciprocating oral sex.
A wisecracking terrorist.
Fannie packs.
The clitoris.
Sneakers with lights in the heels.
Hunting accidents.
Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes.
Death metal.
The Holy Grail.
Penis envy.
Dying.
Gummy bears.
Popped collars.
Date rape.
The Virginia Tech Massacre.
Nocturnal emissions.
German dungeon porn.
Genghis Khan.
Crumpets with the Queen.
NAMBLA.
Kamikaze pilots.
Twinkies.
Waking up half-naked in a Denny’s parking lot.
Front butt.
Menstruation.
A sad handjob.
The dog whisperer.
Puppies!
Homeless people.
The Hamburglar.
Winking at old people.
Faith healing.
French Canadians.
Chainsaws for hands.
World of Warcraft.
This answer is post-modern.
Stephen Hawking talking dirty.
Vigorous jazz hands.
Dry heaving.
Evolution.
Rod Blagojevich.
Party poopers.
Peeing a little bit.
Five-dollar footlong.
Mutually-assured destruction.
The Canadian Government.
Bill Nye the Science Guy.
Jewish fraternities.
Shitting dick nipples.
Anorexia.
Obama, the socialist dictator.
Testicular torsion.
The Chinese gymnastics team.
Dead babies.
Ur Mom!
KY Jelly.
Martha Stewart.
Dental dams.
A rubber chicken.
The Kool-aid man.
The South.
Natalie Portman.
Altar boys.
Vikings.
Bono.
Standing up to wipe.
Fiery poops.
I am doing Kegels right now.
Jessica Alba.
Douchebags on their iPhones.
Overcompensation.
Waiting till marriage.
Robbing a sperm bank.
Abstinence.
A fetus.
Nearly choking on spaghetti.
Free samples.
Morning wood.
Speaking in tongues.
Getting drunk on mouthwash.
Lance Armstrong’s missing testicle.
Rubbing butts.
Leprosy.
A disappointing birthday party.
Soiling oneself.
Picking up girls at the abortion clinic.
Eating all of the cookies before the AIDS bake-sale.
Domino’s™ Oreo™ Dessert Pizza.
A hot mess.
A really cool hat.
Forgetting the Alamo.
Crimes against humanity.
Viagra.
The Amish.
Puberty.
An erection that lasts longer than four hours.
The zombie apocalypse.
Incest.
The placenta.
Surprise sex!
Eating too much of a lamp.
Wiping her butt.
Parting the Red Sea.
A zesty breakfast burrito.
Racism.
Paris Hilton.
Exchanging pleasantries.
All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99.
Balls.
Hillary Clinton.
Inappropriate yodeling.
Necrophilia.
AIDS.
Genital piercings.
Michael Jackson.
Crucifixion.
Goblins.
Sexual tension.
Darth Vader.
The JFK assassination.
Estrogen.
Jungle Juice.
Sperm whales.
Active listening.
The Wikipedia.
Bees?
Another god damn vampire movie.
Tentacle porn.
Lockjaw.
Tether Ball.
Mad Cow Disease.
Licking things to claim them as your own.
The taint; the grundle; the fleshy fun-bridge.
Ronald Reagan.
Environmentalists who live in trees.
Friends with benefits.
Daytime T.V.
Being fabulous.
Britney Spears at 55.
A monkey smoking a cigar.
Third base.
Pre-teens.
Frolicking.
Queefing.
Giving 110%.
Edible underpants.
The token minority.
The Big Bang.
Sean Connery.
A stray pube.
Swooping.
Cheating in the Special Olympics.
Menopause.
PCP.
Global Warming.
Go-gurt.
Tom Cruise.
Substitute teachers.
Hot people.
An asymmetric boob job.
Sucking some dicks to not get drafted.
Copping a feel.
A tainted batch of JuicyJuice™.
Sipping artificial popcorn butter.
Women in yogurt commercials.
Have some more kugel.
Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Crotch stuffing.
Toni Morrison’s vagina.
Infomercials.
That girl who works in the library.
A LAN party.
Elderly Japanese men.
Dick Cheney.
Nuclear proliferation.
Emotions.
Yeast.
American Gladiators.
Canned tuna with extra dolphin.
The Holy Bible.
The Middle East.
Fingering.
Boobytrapping your home to keep burglars out.
Scrubbing under the folds.
The KKK.
Stop, drop and roll!
Scientology.
Clam juice.
Italians.
When you fart and a little bit comes out.
Land mines.
High School reunions.
Robert Downey Jr.
Drinking alone.
Skid marks.
Cockfights.
Scalping.
The hard-working Mexican.
Autocannibalism.
Golden showers.
Fancy Feast™.
Ethnic cleansing.
Dying of dysentery.
Liposuction.
Aaron Burr.
Butt-fungus.
Lip injections.
Goats eating cans.
My genitals.
Friends who eat all your snacks.
Christopher Walken.
Hot Pockets.
Child abuse.
Skeletor.
Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine™.
Amputees.
Asians who aren’t good at math.
Assless chaps.
Mass suicide.
My sex life.
An arrogant slice of french toast.
A Raptor attack.
Civilian casualties.
A murder most foul.
An Oedipus complex.
When you get sand in your vagina.
Child beauty pageants.
Girls who shouldn’t go wild.
A nice, warm glass of Shut the Fuck Up.
Keeping Christ in Christmas.
Waterboarding.
Your stalker.
The Thong Song.
Hurricane Katrina.
Uppercuts.
Sniffing glue.
A windmill full of corpses.
Intelligent Design.
Oompa Loompas.
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The plot of a Michael Bay movie.
Auschwitz.
“Weird” Al Yankovic.
Chivalry.
The gays.
Ghosts.
The prostate.
A can of whoop-ass.
Sitting down to pee.
Impotence.
My relationship status.
Gay marriage.
The Jews.
Rwanda.
Hemorrhoids.
A look-see.
Leaving an awkward voicemail.
Dave Matthews’ Band.
Jew-fros.
Creed.
Sean Penn.
An ice-pick lobotomy.
Doing the right thing.
Dwarf tossing.
The Underground Railroad.
Panda sex.
Hillary Duff.
This answer is post-modern.
Snoop Dogg.
Women’s suffrage.
Jerking off into a pool of children’s tears.
A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis.
Keanu Reeves.
Smallpox blankets.
Smegma.
Being a dick to children.
Grandma.
Showing up to an orgy for the food.
Heath Ledger.
Making a pouty face.
Download + Print
Printing Instructions
The full game of Cards Against Humanity is available for free on this website under a Creative Commons copyright. Making a set will take an hour and cost about $10.
1. Download the PDF above and take it to a print shop. We found the best deal at Staples.
2. Have them print the game on heavy, white card stock; 80-pound or higher. The cards are all black and white, but if you can convince them to use the color printer for no additional cost, you’ll get a much nicer result.
For added fanciness, you can print black on the back of the question cards so they're easier to tell apart. This will add 3 pages to your print.
3. Cut the cards up using one of those big slicers. Take your time and do a nice job and the cards will be easier to handle later.
4. We got an awesome clear AMAC box (model 102C) for $1.50 at the Container Store that holds the cards perfectly.
Rules
Basic Rules
To start the game, each player draws ten white "answer" cards.
One randomly chosen player begins as the Judge, and plays a black "question" card. The Judge reads the question out to the group.
Each player answers the question by passing one white "answer" card, face down, to the Judge.
The Judge shuffles all of the answers, reads them out loud, and picks his favorite. Whoever played that answer gets to keep the black "question" card as one Awesome Point.
After each round, a new player becomes the Judge, and every player draws back up to ten cards.
Pick 2s
Some cards say "Pick 2" on the bottom.
To answer these, each player plays two white cards in combination. Play them in the order that the Judge should read them - the order matters.
If the Judge has lobster claws for hands, you can use paperclips to secure the cards in the right order.
Gambling
If a question is played and you have more than one answer card that you think could win, you can bet one of your Awesome Points to play one additional answer.
If you win, you keep your point. If you lose, whoever wins the round gets the point you wagered.
News + Updates
7/29/09 - Thanks for all the love, internets! We're on Digg, Reddit, and MetaFilter, and there's even a browser game in the works. We've gotten over 4,000 downloads and over fifty pre-orders and we're working on a big print run of the game.
7/15/09 - We've relaunched the website and updated the Core Game to version 1.0. We're also accepting preorders for our first print run.
1/10/09 - We've released the Beta version of the cards for you to try. Enjoy!
Credits
Pre-Order a Copy of Cards Against Humanity
For now, the only way to play Cards Against Humanity is to make your own set, but if there's interest, we might produce some high-quality sets and sell them on this site. If you'd be into that sort of thing, shoot us your name and your email address and we'll get in touch. We promise not to send you any spam, or give your information to anyone who would.
Cards Against Humanity is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike license - that means you can use and remix the game for free, but you can't sell it.
Feel free to contact us at cardsagainsthumanity@gmail.com.