The PWNMEAL is NOT a lie.
Don’t let hunger spawncamp you. Drop the banhammer with Pwnmeal Extreme Gaming Oatmeal.
It’s a PWN or BE PWN’d world out there. Only a n00b would skip breakfast, the most important meal of the day.
When you visit cyberspace to play your favorite shoot ‘em ups or massively multiplayer online video games, ensure decisive victory with our extreme porridge.
Now listen up gamers: we’re not legally allowed to say that Pwnmeal XGO will make you better at video games. You’ll have to ask yourself how a hearty serving of fiber, real fruit flavoring, and a lower blood cholesterol level will help you and your clan.
“I’ll never go on a raid without it.”
“When those oats hit my belly, I’m like, ‘Boom! Head shot!’”
“Mom was right.”
“A major brand presence at PAX...”
When your hunger is ready for a 5v5, Pwnmeal XGO will be ready for your face in 4 extreme flavors.
Strawberries and Carnage We gibbed farm-fresh strawberries and imprisoned their freeze-dried forms in your breakfast pouch, prepped to fuel your next kill streak with a massive payload of phytonutrients.
No Scope Headshot Blueberry
When an enemy pops up on your HUD, there's no time to switch to your sidearm. Line it up and pull the trigger with a sweet, warm BFG (the B is for blueberry).
Clear the fog of war with a hearty defense of the ancients' diet for breakfast: fiber-jammed oats, potassium-crammed banana and 120% of your RDA of niacin. (Fruit not included.)
Cinnamon K/D Ratioatmeal
Give your opponents the stick - the cinnamon stick - with a high-energy spiced hammer of dawn. Cinnamon from orbit: it's the only way to be full.